“Weirdmuller von Elves? What is that, German or sumthin?”    “That’s a f*ckin’ weird name dude.”    “How long did it take you to learn to spell that name in kindergarten?”  

Werdmüller von Elgg


The Werdmüller von Elgg family crest



It began with a bevvy of nuns hoisting a baby-hosting basket over a castle barricade, preventing the infant’s brutal slaughter.


We’re in 1400’s Zurich and the wheat-milling Werdmüller family are (cheerfully, I presume) milling around their treasured wheat mill, adjacent to a castle. Despite the good weather, a sudden flurry of medieval blades began the not-famous Werdmüller massacre of 14-something-something. They were all but extinct, with the exception of one stubborn little bastard.

Small enough to fit in a basket, the resilient Werdmüller infant is lifted by heroic nuns over the turrets of a nearby castle wall.

Traumatized, the infant grew to be one of Switzerland’s top military Generals, earning both honor and nobility.


A painting depicting the massacre and the baby being saved.
The ex-baby General left his military post in due age, retiring to a spankin’ new Schloss (castle) in a countryside village known to this day only as “Elgg”. Later, the Werdmüllers become estate-poor, turing to their practiced expertise—medieval arms dealing and mercenary work (AKA being assholes).

Centuries later, three spoiled Werdmüller brothers fantasize about join the Navy; realizing Switzerland is land-locked, they join the Dutch variety.

Initiated into 17th century Dutchery, the three Swiss brothers are stationed in Indonesia; falling in love with local bombshells, they decide never to leave.


Centuries later, two young Indos from neighboring families, Vera and Frederick, are living peacefully, attending Catholic school and playing in the jungles when World War II brings the Japanese into Indonesia.
8 year old Vera—or as she’d later insist on being addressed, “Mrs. Werdmuller”—was consequently forced to follow her father, now a prisoner of war held and tortured in Japanese internment camps. Vera, her mother and her sister survive on snake meat and scraps for five years, following the ever-changing location of her Father with zero notice.

Video Interview with Oma Vera Werdmüller von Elgg coming soon!

After the war, the two young Indos move to Holland and find each other again. Frederick, now a civil engineer, wins Vera’s hand in marriage and they produce another generation of three curious Werdmüller brothers—one even joins the Navy. The middle brother, Robert, marries Stephanie Slater and together they rear a strange child they define as a Simon.
The Werdmüller Schloss (Castle) Courtyard

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